I'm a math guy.   For some reason, my entire life, I've always been fascinated with numbers.   Averages, highs, lows, make numbers work for me, and how numbers interact with each other throughout different applications.   So, when reading scriptures, numbers seem to jump out at me.   Today, I was reading Mark 5 and stumbled upon something I don't remember finding a correlation between.   In this chapter, we see the use of numbers in a variety of ways.   First, Jesus casts out a legion of demon spirits out of a man possessed.  Next comes the story of Jarius, whose 12-year-old daughter is near death.   Finally, we read of the healing of a woman inflicted by a blood disorder for 12 years.   For this particular blog, I want to focus on the number 12 as it relates to this particular chapter and while it's no coincidence that a girl who was 12 was raised from the dead, and that a woman suffering a disorder for 12 years got healed.   

Being a Christian for almost 43 years now, I've heard countless messages preached on Mark 5 and for good reason.  The chapter begins with Jesus exercising His spiritual authority in the ability to cast out evil spirits.   This kind of authority was also given to the disciples in Luke 9:1, and it's an authority that any Christian carries with them in the ability to cast out evil spirits by the thousands!   But as I mentioned above, I wanted to concentrate on the number 12 and the two stories that followed.  

All numbers in scripture have meaning and the for the number 12, that meaning is God's Government.    We see that illustrated with the 12 Tribes of Israel and the 12 disciples.  12 is a perfect number and it symbolizes God's power and authority.   In Revelation 12, we read that Christ's bride, the church wears a crown of 12 stars on their heads.  And lastly, the first recorded words of Jesus were documented at the age of 12 years old.   There are many more uses of the number 12 in scripture too, but these are some of the highlights.  

So, what's so significant about a 12-year-old deceased girl and a woman suffering an incurable disease for 12 years?   Well, that's what I love about scripture.   The applications of each verse or a particular story or parable has everlasting meaning.   Many people can find strength in knowing that even if they suffer for 12 years, they can still be healed.   Other people can find comfort that even if things look dead and impossible, the Lord can still work a miraculous outcome.   But as I read this morning, I think that since the Lord's number of 12 is correlated to perfect Government, I wanted to shift my focus on that aspect only.  What can we learn about Government from these particular stories?

Jarius was a leader in the synagogue in Capernaum.   He would have been a very well-known person to have such a position in leadership.   We know that Jarius had heard of Jesus and His miracles, so he came to beg for her healing.  Jesus seeing the need, went with him but found the way to be interrupted by large crowds.   As Jesus was in the midst of healing the woman, we will discuss next, a messenger came to Jarius to inform him that his daughter had died and there was nothing more that could be done.   But Jesus said to simply believe, and they would continue to Jarius's house.   The rest of the story goes much like you'd expect it to go.   Jesus goes in and says the girl is simply sleeping and raises her from the dead.   In fact, Jesus even shooed away the mourners from the premises.    

Next was the woman with bleeding disorder.   She basically had a period every day of her life for 12 straight years.   Imagine how anemic she was at that point and the fact she was alive still was a miracle in itself!   Back then there were no iron injections or blood transfusions to keep a person going.   But all she did was simply touch The Lords' robe and she was also healed.   Again, like so many other Biblical stories, there's a lot you can preach or write or mediate on here.   But let's focus on Government.  

Today's governing is a train wreck.   It really doesn't matter which side of the aisle you place your votes too; any government has its faults, and most are simply in it for themselves and not the people they should represent.   Sadly, in today's world, the masses tend to believe that the President or King or Queen can make all the difference in the world.   But honestly, we soon find out that they are just as corrupt and their parties agenda's trump what is best for the country as a whole.   

In Mark 5 we see 2 different types of Government represented in these two stories.   First a young government that is dying.   There appears to be no hope for it.  All the people are just standing around moaning and crying on social media about the problems at hand, with no Earthly idea of how to fix it, but they want their voices heard in a public display.  We also see a government that is sick and has been for quite some time.   Numerous people have tried to help this government with suggestions, theories, propaganda, but to no avail.   No matter what anyone says or does, the government is still sick.  

What struck me was the simple faith of one person in these two stories.   Jarius and the woman both inadequate in their own flesh, knew their only hope was in Jesus.   They didn't know how He was going to rectify the situation; they just knew that He would.   Regardless of what it looked like, how many people were complaining, how many naysayers there were, they simply came to Jesus as they were and petitioned His assistance.  Simply incredible when you consider that Jesus will rectify any type of situation when only one person begins to believe that He can.  

Perhaps in today's society of civil unrest and agendas and current and future candidates wailing in public of how they, and they alone, can fix the problems of this world.   Perhaps, they are not the answer to whom we seek.   Perhaps that will only make things worse.   I believe our answer is Jesus Christ of Nazareth!   I believe that He, and He alone is the only answer to fix our Country and World.   We see that much more clearly know in Mark 5.   We see what He can do when one person believes.   Wonder what He could do if 2 or 3 or 12 or 100 or 10000 people actually believed that He could fix what ails our world today.  

2 chronicles 7:14 illustrates well what I'm talking about.   It says if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land!   Oh Lord, may we find such individuals who desire a healing world above anything else!   

 24 hours

As I do my blogs, I normally do not form a title to what I'm about to write about, but today I felt compelled to title this blog simply because of how much spiritual change has occurred in me the past 24 hours.   Yesterday I blogged about a dream I had and what I didn't know then that I know now, it the Lord was setting the stage for one of the greatest 24-hour periods of spiritual change that I have ever had.   I'm sure there have been other 24-hour periods that I have gained a lot of spiritual knowledge and moved to change, but I don't recall them.   At 49 years old, the years have slowly begun to run together, but let me walk you through briefly what has occurred within the past 24 hours. 

Yesterday morning, as I typed out the blog, I was seeking some clarification on the dream.   As I wrote, I knew that it was not a "wet dream" of sexual fulfillment, but far deeper in meaning.   As I typed, the Lord opened up its deeper meaning for me.   That's often what He does for me and what I need.   For me, writing things out helps me expand my thoughts and seek the deeper meaning.   What was concluded yesterday was simply that if we resist the devil, he will flee from us.   That's a scriptural quote (James 4:7).   As I typed, I realized that I, and I alone, actively control the resistance.   I can pray to God all I want and beg Him to do it, but in reality, I, and I alone have the power to do this act because of what occurred on the Cross and the power and authority that rests in me because of my salvation in Christ.   

So that was really the steppingstone to the rest of my day, though I hardly realized it at the time.   After lunch, I decided to dive into another week's worth of teaching by Andrew Wommack on Spiritual Authority.   Our church recently started this series for Wednesday night services, but due to our schedules, it's hard to attend, so I found the teaching online and I've been trying to get through a week at a time, as my time allows.   I don't dig into it every day, as it's harder for me to sit and take notes and listen to 2 hours' worth of video.   I'd much rather read a book/study scripture/pray and do that in smaller increments throughout the day.   Just seems easier for me to learn and grasp things that way.   But I really desired deep within my heart to continue what I was learning from the first couple weeks of study, so I dove headfirst into it.   

The first couple of weeks of lessons really focused on how we as Christians actually have spiritual power and authority that is given to us upon being saved.   I won't get into a lot of that, but just simply say, we have the power and authority to do a lot of things.    What really stuck out to me from this weeks' worth of lessons is how I have spent the majority of my life begging God to heal me.   Begging God to move in healing others.   Asking God to move in people's lives and when He doesn't heal me or I don't see change in others, I simply surmise that it was just His will not to heal me or move in the direction that was needed.   In other words, I get very religious and try to explain away what happened to me or someone else.   But that is wrong!  That's not scriptural whatsoever.   And let me tell you, this revelation hit me like a ton of bricks against the head.  The only thing I could think to do was repent of my stupidity and then simply sing praises to the Lord.  

As I have mentioned previously, I have battled fear and anxiety for years.  Off and on, but over the past few months, I have really struggled to do much of anything.  I'm just constantly afraid of something bad happening or worried that I'm going to die or embarrass myself or cause someone else to die or just freak out and fall over.   It's been a vicious cycle in my head.   I've not really sought help this time around because I've sought help in the past and while things may get better to some degree, it always returns and gets worse when it does.  Perhaps I will blog in the future about my anxiety journey.   From when it originally started to where I'm at when I write the blog.  It goes deeper than most realize for sure. 

After yesterday, I now realize the answer to my "getting past" anxiety and fear.   I'm not going to beg God to move, instead, I'm going to take the power and authority given to me by God (Luke 9:1-2).   The Bible clearly explains, and somehow, after all these years, my religious "explain away ears" never grasp the concept, that I, and I alone, have the power to cast out demon spirits and heal the sick, at least those who are willing to be healed that is.   What Jesus did for the disciples, I too have been given.   The same power.   The same authority.   The same calling.   The same instructions.   Which in turn, will equal the same results they had.   Again, the person must be willing, and since I'm willing, I can move forward knowing that God will heal me and more importantly, the devil and his evil minions (as I call them) or spirits, MUST FLEE as I actively resist them.   

All of this is 100% scriptural.  No ifs, an's, or buts.   Just simply say something to the effect of "In the name of Jesus I command these fearful thoughts to leave my mind.   I command that I am free.   That God gave me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind, and not of fear".   And by because this is scriptural, the evil spirits will flee, and I can freely do as I need to do in Christ because I am free!   No more chains of slavery!   

Now scripture does teach than spirits that have been cast out will return, but simply understanding this simple fact and being in prayer and careful with thought processes and human reasoning, will help me to be on guard for such things.   In other words, I'm free to choose what I can do, knowing that the devil will not harm me.   If I need to go to the store or town, I can go.   Nothing bad will happen.   When I begin to think scary fearful thoughts, I can simply cast them down in the name and power and authority of Jesus Christ, they will flee, and I can go about my day and do what I need to do.   

So, to wrap this up, just a revolutionary 24-hour period for me.   There's much more study and mediating to do on all this for me to grasp it further, but I just wanted to type out my first thoughts today as a testimony to the Lord for His grace and mercy.   As I continued to flounder in fear and anxiety, thinking I was just stuck in that state.   Longing to be freed, but having no idea how to get it, the Lord worked it all in such a way that became very obvious to me.   This is not surprising.   He longs for you to have healing and freedom.   That's why He went to the cross in the first place, to save us, and to allow us to live life to the full or more abundantly depending on the biblical translation you use.   So, I'm free!   Free from the fears of tomorrow and free from the fears of my past.   I've traded my shackles for a glorious song, I'm free, praise the Lord, free at last!

Thank you, Jesus!

While most of my blogs will likely be uplifting scripture referenced material, this one will take a different course.   Lately I've been questioning why I continue to fall victim to anxiety and fear that is so bad, I simple lock up and stay in the house.   I don't go anywhere other than taking walks outside.   I get this feeling in my head, and when it hits, I just freeze.   So, I have been reading and studying and trying to figure out why this keeps happening regardless of how I think, or what I read, or how I breathe or whatever else.     

Last night I dreamed I was in a room with a very seductive woman.   She wanted me to seduce her and make love to her.   At first, I refused.   For one, she wasn't my wife, and I simply knew it was wrong to commit adultery.   But she continued to pressure, and I continued to be in her presence and to think about being with her.   As with any sin, when the mood strikes you, you have to flee immediately, but I stayed and eventually I gave in.   The woman was tattooed from head to toe.   Not a very pretty woman in my eyes, but I wasn't there for that, and neither was she.   We wanted the feeling and I need to relieve the pressure.   As she undressed and I worked my way down her body, two very large men entered the room and grabbed me.   I knew what was about to happen.   Suddenly I woke up, but as I laid there in the silence of the early morning, I knew that this dream had meaning that I needed to consider and then write about.   

What was strange about this particular dream was my immediate thoughts towards my anxiety/fear feelings that overwhelmed me.   I was aroused, but not in the way you would be if you had sexual fantasy dream.   For those that have those, hopefully you'll understand what I'm talking about.   It's different when you wake up to a wet spot on the sheet.   But this dream wasn't about that at all and as the morning has gone on and I've prayed for clarity, I see some things I'd like to share.  

I mentioned above how the woman desired me.   I knew she did, but instead of fleeing I stayed to be enticed.   When you fall victim to sin, you have to start early in the process to flee from it, because sticking around until you reach the moment before you actually commit the sin is too late.   The flesh is too strong, and you can't walk away.   Have you ever been in the presence of a hot bull or stallion that is ready to mate?   Try leading them up to the female then all of a sudden change your mind and try to get them to walk back to the stall.  No matter what you try, that animal is getting to the female.   And such is sin.   At the second you realize it; you have to flee.   Don't reason it out, don't stop and try to breath.   Just flee!   To me, that's the key take away here.   But I think there's more as well. 

When you give into sin, even if it brings you brief joy, as a Christian, you know the guilt and sorrow and destruction that's coming.   For me, in my dream, it was the men that looked after the woman that was going to pound me into oblivion for what I was trying to do.   I believe the men were simply evil spirits, though they did look like normal men.   Henchmen like if you will that were dressed in black.  Though I woke up before the beating began, I believe they were there to kill me for messing with the woman.     

Such is sin.   You mess with the bull, and you get the horns so to speak.   Most sin that's committed is simply done out of rebellion and to appease the flesh of a human being.   There's not spiritual attachment that comes with it, like you feel during praise and worship.  It's more of a pressure that's released and within a couple minutes, you are left feeling empty and wronged and foolish.   There's no lasting satisfaction in it.   However, when it comes to praise and worship and prayer time, the feelings of encountering a God who loves me and accepts me and helps me can last for hours or days or even weeks!   It's a totally different type of encounter and it's a lasting one at that.  

So, what can I learn from all this?  Well, with my sin, which I've mentioned is fear/anxiety, I have to flee to the Father immediately upon recognizing that my mind has shifted towards fearing the drive or the store or whatever I'm worried about.   Sticking in that mindset will lead to my destruction yet again.  That mindset is the seductive woman.   She wants me to give to her what is not hers to have, and that is my full trust and dependence.   She says if I yield to her, I will be satisfied and happy, but that is a lie.  Her handlers, the evil spirits will never allow that.   Once she has me in a vulnerable position, where my attention is distracted on the seductiveness of her body or features, they attack me and render me helpless again.   They keep me bound in the prison of my mind.   

My trust belongs to Father God, not the seductive woman.   In Him I must full trust and depend on to meet my every need.   In Him I have rest, confidence, faith, and hope that however He chooses to do it, will lead me away from the seductive woman.   As Psalm 23 says, He will make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside the still calming waters and He will restore my soul!  

The answer to my anxiety/fear is simply to flee to God as soon as I recognize the seductive woman is near.   Don't wait.   FLEE!   The bible says in James 4:7 that if we resist the devil (seductive woman), he will flee.   Resisting means running to God the Father.   Immediate prayer, worship, praise music, leaving the situation in reality or in your mind.   Close the door, walk away, and as God said to Lot in Genesis 19:26, don't look back!   But the action needs to be quick on your end.   The longer you stay and ponder the more likely that devil will set the hook and then fleeing from a set hook is almost impossible. 

In my daily scripture reading yesterday, I came across Proverbs 19:20 and it really struck me as something that I truly needed to meditate more upon.   Reading out of the Amplified version the scripture says, listen to council, receive instruction, and accept correction, that you may be wise in the time to come.  After 24 hours I thought I'd put a blog together of my thoughts on this passage.   

Council is interesting and after digging into a few more versions of the Bible for that particular scripture, I learned that council is actually reading/studying the Word of God.   From the time I was little I learned that Bible stood for, basic instructions before leaving earth.   Sadly, though, reading and studying and mediating on God's word has not been a constant for me and that's probably one of the biggest reasons my life as a whole has been so up and down emotionally and spiritually.    But over the past few months, I have really dedicated a large portion of my day to scripture reading, mediating, watching sermons, listening to worship music, and I can honestly say, my life is on the uptick.   I know that's not a coincidence.   

The importance of getting into God's Word and reading it and meditating on it cannot be overlooked and especially overemphasized.   For in God's Word is wisdom that cannot be obtained by merely experiencing things.   In knowing that what God said is true and it will work in my life regardless of the circumstances I'm facing at the moment.  It's really the only thing that truly works.   It's worked from the beginning when it was written and applies to modern day situations, and it will continue to work as the years and decades tick by.   It's a habit worth getting into and sustaining throughout the course of one's life.   Bible reading, meditation, prayer, seeking the kingdom of God first is not only wise council but it's also commanded in scripture itself.     The reason for it is simply that the basic foundation of becoming wise, because Godly wisdom is more precious than gold!

I encourage anyone to listen to council, seek instruction, and accept the correction that it brings so that you will become wise in the future.   Future wisdom is what we all seek.   Most go about obtaining it through hard work and self-determination, but scripture clearly states that will not sustain you.   Only Biblical council and instruction will help you in the days and months ahead as the devil will seek to knock you off track.   

God did not create you to suffer from one event to another.   He states in John 10:10 that He came so that you may have life to the full (abundantly in some versions).   So how to we obtain this "life to the full and abundance?"   By following the Lord's council in scripture.   Read it, believe it and do it!  Because wise is the man to come who follows the Lord's prescribed order of things!

OH THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN YOU!

Songs and singing have always been a part of my life from as far back as I can remember.   My father sang, high tenor and my mother was an alto, so it only makes sense, with that wide of singing range, that I too can sing.   Mostly melody, but a baritone in the morning and with a little practice, a lower tenor in the evening.   It's a gift that I love, and I use often.   Many days are spent plucking away on the guitar, playing and singing and worshipping along with my favorite YouTube praise songs. 

One of my current favorite songs to sing and play is Graves into Gardens by Elevation Church and Worship Team.   The song is pretty easy to play, especially if you have an ear for music, but what I find myself doing a lot as I play is concentrating more on the words on the songs, and not the music part.   I play rhythm acoustic guitar, so once you figure out the chord progressions, it's pretty easy to concentrate on other things going on during the actually playing of the song.    So, most times, I really try to focus my mind on playing to the Lord.   I Invision myself before Him, just singing and playing away.   But there are times that even though I've heard or played a certain song numerous times, I find myself really concentrating on a word or phrase within the song, and I find those times to be the most intimate times of worship with my Father.   

In the song that I have referenced is the line "Oh there's nothing better than you!"   It's stated numerous times throughout the song which means the writer of the song wanted listeners to grasp that there truly is nothing better than God!   As I played the song today, that phrase really stuck with me and I wondered to myself what am I putting before God, what am I looking to first instead of the Lord, and what do I need to repent of and replace with simply God instead of the thing or action that in my mind I believe I absolutely need to function on a daily basis?

Coffee of a morning?   I'm not a coffee drinker.   Never have liked the bitter taste of it.   My mom drank it naked, or black, and it just wasn't for me.   But my wife drinks it.   She says she can't function without it.  She's not alone.   Most coffee drinkers think that way.   But that's not true.   You can live without it, because if you couldn't, I would have been dead a long time ago!   Truly of a morning, all you really need is Jesus!

A routine to survive the day?   Most people don't like change or spontaneity.   They like to have a rhythm.  A way to judge how the day is progressing, whether good or bad, as they look to survive the day.   I know I have my routines and when things don't go that way, it seems my whole day is messed up.  But do we need a regular routine, or do we just need to align our thoughts and actions with the Lord as we progress through each day and week?   Come what may, through thick or thin, just continue to trust that the Lord will sustain us and have that kind of faith!   Oh, to reach that point in daily walk with God!!   Sadly, I'm not there yet.   Much like the morning/daily coffee drinkers, I have set my mind not on all things above but on doing my daily routine that helps me survive the day and get to my favorite time of the day when my wife comes home from work, and we can share the evening together!   Don't get me wrong, I don't want to lose that.  I spent a lot of my life alone and I truly enjoy God's gift of having someone in the house during evenings and nights!   But I do believe there are times I do trust in the companionship of a human being, rather than the companionship of a Holy God which I claim in the song there's nothing better than, yet I fail to rely on to sustain my every minute of existence.   

The lyrics sure made me think that I need to change my thought patterns more.   Pray more for His grace and mercy to wash over me and forgive me for clinging to Earthly patterns or people instead of simply believing that He's got me, and I don't really have anything to worry about.   Psalms 121 is a great passage of scripture for those looking for what the Lord does for us on the daily.   I encourage you to read it, memorize it, make it a part of your daily routine in multiple ways and at multiple times.  

Oh, there's nothing better than YOU! Is 100% TRUE, and as Psalms 121 states in verse 3 He (the Lord) will not let your foot slip, and He (the Lord) who watches over you will not slumber (sleep). 

 As I was reading my daily devotional scripture this morning (Mat 4:19-22), verse 19 really struck me as something far deeper than I ever realized before.   The verse is an account of Jesus asking James and John, both sons of Zebedee to simply follow him and I will make you fishers of men.   Both James and John were commercial fishermen by trade, so Jesus asked them to put off their commercial ambitions of fishing for actual fish, and instead to fish for men or souls to lead into the kingdom of God.   

This verse is quite popular in most church settings, and I remember this particular passage of scripture being taught in Sunday School classes which for me was over 40 years ago.   What struck me this morning was simply the term follow me.   I think most Christian based teaching use this particular verse, and others like it, that we should follow Christ in terms of Salvation from our sins.   While that is certainly the first step of Christianity, what is so often left out, is simply what happens after you commit your life to Christ.   In other words, how do you live for him on a daily basis.   

Surely many would say that we should pray, read the Bible, study the Bible, go to church, etc.   And those activities are certainly something we should do on a daily and weekly basis.   But is there more to it?   Verse 19 as stated has the words "...follow me".   What better way to grow as a Christian than to follow the example of Jesus while He was on this Earth.   What did He do that separated Him, from everyone else?   What was His routines?   How did He interact with people?    To me this verse is much more than simply becoming a Christian, but also how we need to conduct ourselves on a daily basis on growing our relationship with Him and build our faith.

As I type this out, it has dawned on me that life seems to get in the way of most our commitments to Jesus.   The busyness of life, the daily grind, work schedules, meetings, ball games, just seem to hinder a deep dive into all things Jesus on the daily.   While it might seem practical to slow down and breath every so often, clearing schedules and commitments is not the easiest thing to do.   So, what should we do?   

To live as Jesus did, one must slow down first and foremost.   Jesus was never in a hurry!   Even when people came to Him requesting, He come and heal sick and dying loved ones, Jesus never just ran to where these individuals were.   He took His time going from place to place, making sure He was present in the moment and ready to heal and help anyone that needed Him.   That speaks volumes to me as I continue to try to fit one more thing into my already crammed schedule for the day or week.   To be more Christ-like, I really need to slow down and be present, not worried about the next meeting or next day or the drive home or how on Earth I'm going to get this work meeting agenda done.   Simply put, I need to just be present int he moment and enjoy my presence with Jesus.   Easier said than done, but doable if I really work on it!  

Jesus prayed ALOT!   I don't pray much in all honesty.   Oh, I pray when I'm desperate, and I think most people do, but I don't have a daily prayer routine so to speak.  Many times, we read that after a long day of ministering and healing, Jesus would not go to bed, He would go someplace quiet and pray.   He would talk to his Father (God) for hours or even days.   There's got to be something to that, because if it worked for Him and He wants us to follow Him, then it can work for us as well!    So the question then comes as when do I have time to actually pray?   Shower?   Driving to work?   Walking into work?  Sitting in the bleachers during the game?   Yeah, I can pray then.   Beats yelling at the umpire or listening to some parents berate their child or the kid that missed the ball or the driver that just cut me off!   Yeah, I've got time to pray.   All I have to do is slow down my mind and remember to do it.   Again, easier said than done, but doable. 

Finally, Jesus rested at some of the strangest times ever!   He was asleep during a likely hurricane type storm on the Sea of Galilee.   He would also go away and rest and pray all night or in the early morning.   Ugh!  This is what I really need more than anything.   REST!   SLEEP!   But I don't think Jesus really slept as much as he mediated and prayed and simply got away from things.   Back then it was called the Sabbath, a whole day of rest and worship!   No cell phones, Facebook, texting, meeting prep, kid issues, spouse issues, honey to do lists, mowing the yard.   Nope none of that.   Just rest and worship.     The New Testament covenant proclaims that Jesus is our Sabbath rest and all that can be found in Him.  Matthew 12:8 explains that.   But still, I need to rest in Christ a whole lot more than I do.   Matthew 11:28-30 states that we are to "take His yoke upon us for it is easy and His burden is light".   Resting in Him.   I really like that.   This has also got to be a goal for me moving forward.  

Sure, I need to go to church at least weekly for community with like-minded people.   I definitely can read and study my Bible as that's how I gain insight in my relationship with Christ.   But to go deeper I have to follow Him.   Not just in salvation, but in my lifestyle.  I need to slow down and be more present in my moments with Him.   I need to pray and talk to Him a whole lot more.   Not beg for things to go my way, but simply to talk.   Have a conversation with Him about my day, the sunshine, my insecurities, my awkwardness.   Just anything and everything.   And finally, I need to REST!   Not just sleep more, though that would be nice, but to give Him my issues and talk things out with Him.   Not concern myself with results but build my trust in Him.   He orders our steps, and He cares for us and meets our every need anyway, so why worry so much about Him not coming through?  

I needed this reminder today.   I'm thankful that little, small verses such as Matthew 4:19 can spark a conversation with the Lord in prayer and leads to a complete lifestyle reversal. 

 Today I Am Forgiven:

Today I was reminded of this truth via a song called My God is Awesome.   Lately, life has been difficult.   For years I have battled anxiety.   It has been a part of me for at least 20 years.   It comes and goes in severity, but over the past few days, it has reared its ugly head again in my life.   Sometimes it's a gradual thing, and sometimes it just comes at me out of nowhere.   I've had times in my life where I have been housebound, but I was able to overcome those times as well and live a fairly normal life.   

Just yesterday, I found myself drowning in fear once again.   Out of nowhere I couldn't drive to where I needed to go because shear panic just came over me.   As I tried to drive, I just shook violently and had to turn around and go home and, in my humiliation, I had to make up an excuse of why I couldn't come to the meeting I was supposed to be at.   This morning, I tried again to drive, and the same thing happened.  To say that I'm freaked out and confused, is an understatement.   

So not knowing what exactly to do, I just started to worship and listen to music via YouTube.   As I listened, I was reminded that even in times of absolute terror, uncertainty, embarrassment, and especially humiliation, today, I AM FORGIVEN!   That statement brings hope and a sense of security to my life right now.   I don't know how long this battle will rage, but I do know that Jesus loves me, and He forgives me!  He's my best friend.   He's in my boat, and actually, He's sitting right beside me!   He knows my name, and He knows my hurts, and yet He forgives me and loves me anyway!   

Whatever you are facing today, no matter how scary or humiliating or debilitating it is, please know that if you are a Christian, today, you ARE forgiven!   I pray that this short blog gives you some encouragement to continue to move forward in life, just as much as that phrase brought hope to my mind and helped to ease the fear today.