While most of my blogs will likely be uplifting scripture referenced material, this one will take a different course.   Lately I've been questioning why I continue to fall victim to anxiety and fear that is so bad, I simple lock up and stay in the house.   I don't go anywhere other than taking walks outside.   I get this feeling in my head, and when it hits, I just freeze.   So, I have been reading and studying and trying to figure out why this keeps happening regardless of how I think, or what I read, or how I breathe or whatever else.     

Last night I dreamed I was in a room with a very seductive woman.   She wanted me to seduce her and make love to her.   At first, I refused.   For one, she wasn't my wife, and I simply knew it was wrong to commit adultery.   But she continued to pressure, and I continued to be in her presence and to think about being with her.   As with any sin, when the mood strikes you, you have to flee immediately, but I stayed and eventually I gave in.   The woman was tattooed from head to toe.   Not a very pretty woman in my eyes, but I wasn't there for that, and neither was she.   We wanted the feeling and I need to relieve the pressure.   As she undressed and I worked my way down her body, two very large men entered the room and grabbed me.   I knew what was about to happen.   Suddenly I woke up, but as I laid there in the silence of the early morning, I knew that this dream had meaning that I needed to consider and then write about.   

What was strange about this particular dream was my immediate thoughts towards my anxiety/fear feelings that overwhelmed me.   I was aroused, but not in the way you would be if you had sexual fantasy dream.   For those that have those, hopefully you'll understand what I'm talking about.   It's different when you wake up to a wet spot on the sheet.   But this dream wasn't about that at all and as the morning has gone on and I've prayed for clarity, I see some things I'd like to share.  

I mentioned above how the woman desired me.   I knew she did, but instead of fleeing I stayed to be enticed.   When you fall victim to sin, you have to start early in the process to flee from it, because sticking around until you reach the moment before you actually commit the sin is too late.   The flesh is too strong, and you can't walk away.   Have you ever been in the presence of a hot bull or stallion that is ready to mate?   Try leading them up to the female then all of a sudden change your mind and try to get them to walk back to the stall.  No matter what you try, that animal is getting to the female.   And such is sin.   At the second you realize it; you have to flee.   Don't reason it out, don't stop and try to breath.   Just flee!   To me, that's the key take away here.   But I think there's more as well. 

When you give into sin, even if it brings you brief joy, as a Christian, you know the guilt and sorrow and destruction that's coming.   For me, in my dream, it was the men that looked after the woman that was going to pound me into oblivion for what I was trying to do.   I believe the men were simply evil spirits, though they did look like normal men.   Henchmen like if you will that were dressed in black.  Though I woke up before the beating began, I believe they were there to kill me for messing with the woman.     

Such is sin.   You mess with the bull, and you get the horns so to speak.   Most sin that's committed is simply done out of rebellion and to appease the flesh of a human being.   There's not spiritual attachment that comes with it, like you feel during praise and worship.  It's more of a pressure that's released and within a couple minutes, you are left feeling empty and wronged and foolish.   There's no lasting satisfaction in it.   However, when it comes to praise and worship and prayer time, the feelings of encountering a God who loves me and accepts me and helps me can last for hours or days or even weeks!   It's a totally different type of encounter and it's a lasting one at that.  

So, what can I learn from all this?  Well, with my sin, which I've mentioned is fear/anxiety, I have to flee to the Father immediately upon recognizing that my mind has shifted towards fearing the drive or the store or whatever I'm worried about.   Sticking in that mindset will lead to my destruction yet again.  That mindset is the seductive woman.   She wants me to give to her what is not hers to have, and that is my full trust and dependence.   She says if I yield to her, I will be satisfied and happy, but that is a lie.  Her handlers, the evil spirits will never allow that.   Once she has me in a vulnerable position, where my attention is distracted on the seductiveness of her body or features, they attack me and render me helpless again.   They keep me bound in the prison of my mind.   

My trust belongs to Father God, not the seductive woman.   In Him I must full trust and depend on to meet my every need.   In Him I have rest, confidence, faith, and hope that however He chooses to do it, will lead me away from the seductive woman.   As Psalm 23 says, He will make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside the still calming waters and He will restore my soul!  

The answer to my anxiety/fear is simply to flee to God as soon as I recognize the seductive woman is near.   Don't wait.   FLEE!   The bible says in James 4:7 that if we resist the devil (seductive woman), he will flee.   Resisting means running to God the Father.   Immediate prayer, worship, praise music, leaving the situation in reality or in your mind.   Close the door, walk away, and as God said to Lot in Genesis 19:26, don't look back!   But the action needs to be quick on your end.   The longer you stay and ponder the more likely that devil will set the hook and then fleeing from a set hook is almost impossible.